


Constant

by MellytheHun



Series: First Kiss Challenges [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Feels, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Prompt Challenge, Prompt Fill, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-11-13 03:54:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11176479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MellytheHun/pseuds/MellytheHun
Summary: First Kiss Prompt: Ripping the other away - Person B says "no we shouldn't" - but when Person A kisses them again, Person B holds them closer





	Constant

**Author's Note:**

> This series is being posted early (in segments) thanks to people that donated to my paypal in the name of more kylux fic! I have really needed the help and so I've asked for donations towards series/fics or even being commissioned and I've gotten a lot of donations for 'anything kylux.' Hope you all enjoy and thank you for your support through this hard time for me! ; __ ; <3

It doesn’t start the way Phasma thought it was going to start.

There were wagers going around the ship – _Hux_ knew that Phasma _thought_ _he_ didn’t know, but _of course_ Hux knew.

If a single Trooper was a fraction out of tempo in march from across the _Finalizer_ , Hux knew about it. If an insect had found its way into one of the travel pods on the lowest docking stations, Hux knew about it. If a faucet was left just barely on with a slight drip and it were happening on the other side of the fucking galaxy, Hux would know about it. So, it would stand to reason that if his subordinates were jokingly making wagers about when and how they predicted Ren and Hux would ‘cave in and finally hate-fuck,’ one another, he would know.

And of course he knew.

Hux is the permanent eye in the sky. He knows everything.

Well.

Most everything.

Phasma’s rumored hypothesis was that Hux would snap one day, finally show Ren precisely how combat-ready the Academy groomed him to be, pin him up to something or push him down onto somewhere and find his way into Ren. It was a rather violent idea – Phasma knew Hux hid his strength and only used himself as a deadly weapon when absolutely necessary, but he supposes that she thought the day he ‘snapped,’ would warrant his violence.

To be fair, her ideas weren’t entirely outlandish. Hux may have drunkenly admitted once that every time Ren’s about the ship without his helmet on and he yells or argues or otherwise makes himself a pain in Hux’s arse, that Hux imagines shoving his cock in Ren’s mouth to silence him. He doesn’t remember the conversation entirely – he definitely admitted to wanting head from Ren, being irrationally turned on when Ren bucked his authority, but not much else.

The other – and more _popular_ – hypothesis was that Ren was secretly lusting after Hux for all these years, doesn’t know how to be a normal person (fair), thus would not know how to obtain Hux without use of the Force. The idea was that Ren would take advantage of him – mind-trick him into it or something, maybe wash his memory afterward. That rumor as well is a much quieter violence; still, violence.

Considering how sharp Hux’s silver tongue gets and taking into account Ren’s predisposition for physical aggression, the ideas weren’t bizarre, exactly.

They were just wrong.

All of the rumors assumed Hux and Ren felt absolutely nothing for each other but pent up sexual tension and unrelenting disdain. While both elements are certainly present on a regular basis, none knew that Ren’s heart was a fragile thing – or that Ren had a heart at all. Most would believe that there’s a deep void where that organ’s meant to be in Ren’s body, but most would be wrong about that.

Like Hux was.

The wrongness – that doesn’t happen often with Hux, but to give himself credit, he only had access to limited, skewed data. Hux knows most everything, but he could not have known what was going on in Ren’s funny head. He _never_ knew what was going on in there except immature angsting and softly stewing rage. Hux didn’t know, though, that Ren spared any second thoughts for him at any point - that Ren thought of him at all, really. That would be assuming far too much of someone who had presumably hated him for the past three standard years.

Hux isn’t sure where the Officers, engineers, Troopers and staff got these ideas or how they were confident enough in those ideas to put credits down on them – even Hux didn’t think anything would ever actually happen between Ren and him. Fucking Ren's mouth to shut him up? Certainly a fun thought to entertain on long sleep-cycles that Hux’s insomnia keeps him from taking advantage of, but not a thought he’d ever imagine coming to fruition.

Ren had once tried a mind-trick on Hux, though, early on in their work relationship. The attempt failed spectacularly, but it set boundaries they could both openly acknowledge. First, that Ren is not to be trusted and second, that Hux’s mental fortitude is not to be underestimated. The two have operated according to those truths - how was Hux to know anything had changed when there was no visible behavioral changes?

Even so, this was not a mind-trick.

This was realer than anything Hux could remember feeling.

Which is a funny bit, really, because Ren barely kisses him - there's only the barest sensation to feel. It’s just a feathery, insecure brush. A soft noise came from the back of Hux’s throat, something of vague surprise and impact and an even softer noise came from Ren – it was too quiet to be a smacking or puckering of his lips. It was the sound of a kiss, though. A gentle, uncertain one.

That’s not really where it starts, though.

Where it starts is when Ren took a planet-side mission without informing Hux or giving Hux any form of notice at all that he was leaving the ship; the reason for that being, Ren’s an asshole. While Ren was gone, Hux was sent planet-side for something different altogether and he didn’t see fit to inform Ren or leave anyone to inform Ren of his whereabouts. The reason for that being, Hux is vindictive and passive-aggressive.

Ren had returned to the _Finalizer_ , probably expecting a frustrated lecture on what **co** -commandment actually means, how communication is essential between them, how much it pisses Hux off when travel pods go missing for standard weeks at a time with no request for leave and no procedural data forms filled out (for safety checks or simple documentation) – but Hux wasn’t there.

Hux was absent when Ren returned and he’d gone looking for Hux, apparently – in a strop about not being able to take what he dishes out probably, but then it lead to panic. Hux only knows Ren was panicked because when he returned, dropped his travel bag on the floor of his office and leaned back into his seat, Ren forced himself through the door and didn’t look enraged in the slightest. He looked petrified.

At first, Hux thought it had something to do with the fact that he was dressed in civilian clothing and his hair was dry – he has heard before that it’s unsettling to see him out of uniform. He was exhausted from his travels, too exhausted to get riled up and aggravated with Ren, so he simply sat in silence. He waited for Ren’s tantrum, he already had several other places for his mind to go on autopilot while Ren made obnoxious noise with his stupidly attractive mouth.

Nothing happened, though.

Perhaps Ren was waiting for Hux to say something first? Hux wasn’t sure – he was too tired to contemplate it much. He stood up, cracking his back and neck and then abruptly found himself against the wall. Ren hadn’t hurt him – he’d just pushed Hux against the wall and framed him with an arm on either side of Hux’s head.

“And this outburst is about what exactly?” Hux had asked.

Ren had picked his head up, looked at Hux from under his strong brow and his curtains of dark hair and he’d said, “you weren’t here.”

“Well-spotted.”

“You’re _always_ supposed to be _here_.”

“And yet I was not. Fascinating. Can I go shower now?”

Ren was not the least bit pleased.

“Why did you not _tell me_?”

“If _your_ travels aren’t of concern to me, then _mine_ certainly shouldn’t be of concern to _you_ ,” Hux had argued haughtily.

“You aren’t supposed to _have_ any travels!” Ren shouted.

Hux had shut his eyes and bent his head back, ready for the onslaught of annoying, loud blather, but instead the soft noises happened. The soft noises where Ren kissed him like a raindrop and he’d been tired and unsure, a bit shocked – that small noise that had come from his throat and he’d only belatedly heard the echo of Ren’s kiss.

Hardly seemed real for how gentle it was.

“… have I missed something?”

“I have been an idiot –"

“That’s a pretty broad statement covering a great span of time, Ren, I meant something more recent and concentrated, actually –"

“Stop being an asshole for a second.”

Hux wasn’t surprised because Ren cursed at him – he was surprised by how disingenuous it sounded. It sounded much more like a plea of, ‘please give me a chance to explain myself.’ Which Hux granted.

“I have tried to keep you in one place with tactics of fear – I didn’t think you’d dare leave the ship if you thought it’d bring on damage to consoles or personnel in retaliation. This was clearly the… wrong way to keep you here.”

The question came out of Hux in a much more subdued tone than he meant it to, “ _keep_ me here? Why?”

“Because the galaxy is _dangerous_ and I understand perfectly well that you can defend yourself, but I’d rather you not be put in any form of danger if at all possible, I’d like you to be on _this ship_ , surrounded by an _army_ , protected _properly_ while I’m away – you can’t leave. You can’t just _leave_.”

That’s when Hux’s heart rate started inclining.

“I… don’t understand.”

“I should have recorded that for later playback,” Ren had joked drily.

“Ren, why in the stars are you –"

But then Ren had kissed him again – gently. So gently. Just a quick, sweet pressure and gone in a flash. When he’d pulled away again, Ren’s eyes had lidded, like he were hypnotized and then he had bent his head back into Hux’s space, kissed Hux again, chaste and patient.

He kissed Hux again and Hux was numb, entirely shocked and unable to respond, mostly – he reflexively shut his eyes when he realized Ren was about to kiss him again, but he’d not moved his hands or body or even his mouth. Ren’s lips were there and gone too quickly for Hux to do anything anyway, even if he could.

It was a lot less like Ren was kissing him repeatedly and lot more like Ren was repeating a word in some language Hux didn’t speak but Ren needed him to understand. A word he’d keep repeating until Hux would just inherently find its meaning.

Then Ren pulled away again, changed the angle of his head, lowered himself, kissed Hux again, shifted where precisely his kisses landed on Hux’s mouth and how hard the pressure was, but then he’d pull back, pause, draw in and kiss Hux again. And again. And again – again and again until the kisses had become much more fevered, much more urgent but still broken things with no fluid sequence.

So none of the wagered theories had been correct about ‘how it would go.’

Because there was no violence, there was no anger – there was just dreamlike kisses, vulnerability and tenderness Hux didn’t think Ren had been capable of.

That’s how it had gone.

That’s how it is still going.

Ren is pressing the length of his body against Hux’s, wrapping gentle, calloused hands around his wrists and his kisses are pulling Hux forward, making Hux lean more into him, making Hux respond because his mind is blue-screening and his heart is pounding and… he _wants_ to. He kisses Ren back because he _wants to_.

_Does it trouble you that much?_

“I don’t – understand – why,” Hux answers between romantic assaults.

_I need you safe. Want you safe. Is that so hard to believe?_

Hux pushes on Ren’s chest to catch his breath and he can see Ren’s pale cheeks burning up, notes how rosy and swollen his lips look already, how his brow is furrowed in such worry. Uncertainty is not an expression Hux has ever seen on Ren before. He doesn’t know if he likes it, precisely, but it’s fascinating all the same.

“You just… want to… you want to _protect_ me?”

Ren nods curtly, still looking worried, “yes. I’m your Knight, Hux. Yes, of course I do.”

“...no one’s ever wanted to do that for me...”

Ren frowns, unsure of what Hux’s response means and Hux isn’t even sure what he means by telling Ren that, but his heart feels swollen, his gut is hot and in unfamiliar knots and there’s a telling heat behind his eyes. He knows when Ren notices the look in his eyes because Ren’s frown of worry turns into a look of disbelief.

To stop from making an absolute idiot of himself by _crying_ , Hux allows himself to shake off Ren’s loose grip of wrists so that he can wrap his arms around Ren’s neck and shoulders, dragging him into a kiss more lasting.

He licks over the seam of Ren’s lips and Ren, hesitantly, opens for Hux and Hux knows that if Ren had ever done this before, he’d be much more forceful and confident about it. This must be his first kiss. Kiss _es_ . Why he’s chosen _Hux_ is beyond Hux’s comprehension right now, but the ‘why,’ doesn’t really matter at the moment.

All that matters right then is that Ren picks up fast, is able to mimic Hux’s tongue, recreate the hot slide and even the way Ren breathes in sharply and audibly through his nose is somehow erotic – Hux feels himself getting hard and Ren must feel something change between them because he wedges his thigh between Hux’s legs and Hux gasps, tearing his mouth away.

“Ren –"

_You’re thinking too much. You’re always thinking too much. Stop thinking._

A very undignified grunt escapes Hux’s throat as Ren bites into it. He seethes, but it’s good and Ren can just _tell_ somehow and his head feels too light, like it’s full of cotton.

“We really – this is a bad idea, Ren –"

Ren’s teeth drag over Hux’s jugular and he sucks into a spot that will, without a doubt, leave an enormous bruise that will be seen over his uniform collar. Seen by everyone, then.

“ _Ren_ ,” Hux whines, knowing there are probably more than a million reasons all of this is a bad, bad thing but not being able to coherently think of a single one.

“You’re my constant.”

Breath coming back to him, chest heaving, Hux slumps a bit more against the wall and Ren’s hands travel to his waist. He holds Hux by his flanks, but he doesn’t pick his head up from where he’s hiding in the crook of Hux’s neck.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you are consistent,” Ren expands, “You’re orderly, you’re steady. You wake up at exactly four every work cycle, you take exactly seventeen minutes to shower, brush your teeth and dress. You always part your hair the same way, you use the same cologne and hair product since before I met you – something you’ve been using for more than three standard years, then. You always pour more caf than you actually need – you always leave less than a quarter of it sitting at the bottom of the cup, it’s always enough to make you feel a bit wasteful, but never enough to actually change the habit. You have meal plans for every standard week, you eat at the same times, you walk the same halls at the same times, you walk at only three different paces and I can tell what mood you’re in just by the footfalls – you exercise privately in your room after the work cycle for at least an hour, you barely sleep and when you do it’s either dreamless or horribly gory and then it starts all over again at four.”

Ren picks his head up slowly to look into Hux’s round eyes.

"And I see you. I see the cup of caf you leave behind, I see the part in your hair when you take your uniform cap off, I hear your footsteps, I determine your mood, I smell your cologne, I sense you while you're in your room or about the ship - I wake every day knowing with certainty that you are there, you will do the things you always do, dress the way you always dress, speak, think, breathe the way you always do and I will be there to see it as I should be."

Ren almost seems sorry to be admitting all of this – like he might not be doing it purposefully. It’s just spilling out of him.

“You’re my constant, Hux,” Ren repeats, “Some people rely on their planet’s star rising in the dawn, something that will last their lifetime, something that will always be true and that is what you are for me.”

That is dangerously poetic and saccharine - Hux has never been told such a sweet thing in his life and it sets him on edge.

“Ren,” Hux warns.

“You went away, I had no idea where you were, if you were safe, if you’d come back – I couldn’t tell if my dawn was coming, do you see? Do you understand? You can’t _leave_ , you can’t – you can’t _leave me_ because you are… _all_ I can rely on in this life.”

Eyes already watery, a tear drops from Hux’s eye out of sheer astonishment and Ren takes his silence as complacency, kisses him again and Hux whimpers against him, feeling exposed and stripped raw with too much sensory input and too much new data to process. He rips his mouth away again, says seriously, “no, we shouldn’t, Ren,” but then Ren is on him again, pulls his face back by cupping either side of his jaw and _he moans_.

He _moans_ and his trembling hands snake around Ren’s torso and pull him in close because as maddening as Ren can be, he’s Hux’s one constant as well – in a different way. He’s reliably _unreliable_ and it makes him endlessly fascinating to Hux and more importantly, he makes Hux feel like he’s actually alive and not just living out lines of code in a great hologram of a false existence. Ren is a burning red in a world of black and white, he's mystery and intrigue where Hux has only known boring, mandatory data, Ren speaks like a roll of thunder and it's thrilling - Hux hates that he relies on Ren for that feeling of being alive. That feeling that color, creativity, meaning, mystery, nature and chaos stands over six feet tall and has a poor sense of personal space and there he is, calling himself Hux’s Knight.

Ren’s hands slide down from Hux's face, over his chest, around his sides and then his arms tighten around Hux; his feet lift off the floor an inch or so and he kisses Ren back because he wants to and he moans against Ren because he can’t hold it back and he holds Ren because it reminds him that he’s alive and that it’s all real and out of his control in the most cathartic way.

_Don’t go away again, Hux. I’ll be kinder. Don’t punish me with your absence again, though. I was lost without you._

Hux isn’t sure he’s meant to see these images in Ren’s head, but they transfer over anyway. At first it’s just a beach with calm waves and a clear horizon, a star sleepily rising over it, bouncing light off the water. Then the serenity crumbles and it’s just the vacuum of space, directionless – no sense of what is up or down, left or right and everything is too vast and too chaotic, too apathetic, too cruel and strange. There is panic and confusion in that darkness.

Tugging Ren in closer, he kisses Ren more deeply and replies;

_Never again, then. You’ve my word._

He hears Ren make a desperate sound and feels it vibrate against his lips.

_Your word is the only word worth trusting._

Hux can feel how genuinely Ren means that.

The more entwined they become against the wall, the clearer that beach becomes in Hux’s head. The horizon is a straight line, the rising star is bright and full and tranquility replaces all his dread and uncertainty. Bad idea or not, a star is rising and it will continue to rise cycle after cycle; sometimes wearing a mask and destroying consoles in petty fits and sometimes wearing a uniform cap, walking at rhythms that vary with mood.

But rise it will - again and again, like raindrop kisses that fall again and again, like pods being taken out without proper protocol adhered to again and again, like just a touch of caf left over in a mug again and again. Again and again.  Reliable, sturdy, eternal - constant.


End file.
